Mind Healing Counselling

You’re going about your day, everything is fine, and then .....

 ……. someone says something, or something happens, and you get mad

– you’ve just been triggered!

You could feel angry, depressed or a myriad of other negative emotions. You imagine your closest friend or your partner doesn’t care about you anymore. You feel worthless and that your life is worthless. You’ve got a heavy feeling in your stomach, and your body is tense all over.

“Nothing ever goes my way!”

It happens to us all. We all have our own unique pattern; a big ball of mixed-up thoughts, feelings and physical reactions – we feel like sh*t! (excuse the phrase).

Think of the trigger as a regular-sized snowball. The snowball is the initial event (what happened or what was said). As it rolls down the hill, it gets bigger and bigger, collecting other snow on the way (negative thoughts and feelings). The farther it rolls, the bigger it becomes until it’s huge. With all those distressing memories and all those negative thoughts and feelings now attached to it, the snowball feels like it’s big enough to crush you. This clouds your mind; you can’t problem-solve; what’s the point? – the problem is overwhelming.

“What can I do? Where can I go with such an immense problem? Should I just surrender?”

You can take some steps to learn to identify the trigger and stop the emotional snowball from rolling down the hill.

Step 1: Recognise when you have been triggered and learn your own pattern

Try to look back to when you were initially triggered. At this stage, your reaction may have been so fast and intense that it feels automatic, and you don’t question the path your “snowball” takes. But it isn’t. There is a small, sometimes almost imperceptible gap between the trigger and the thought where you can, with practice, grab the trigger at look at it rationally, to look at it without the attaching of all the distressing memories and all those negative thoughts and feelings it collects along its path.

Think of the last time you got very upset. What did you feel? What were your thoughts? How did you feel physically? You can learn to recognise your own particular pattern.

Step 2: Look at the facts.

Once you’ve learned to recognise when you’ve been triggered, breath deeply and ask yourself, “Why did that trigger me?”. Look purely at the facts – this gets easier with practice. What are you thinking that’s verifiably true? What’s doubtful? And what’s clearly untrue?

Step 3: Show yourself some compassion.

Once you have identified the trigger, hit the pause button – take a deep breath or count to ten, or whatever works for you. Look at your situation and try to be compassionate with yourself.

Try telling yourself: “This happened, and it’s hard. No wonder I am upset.” Ask yourself what a good friend might tell you or what you might say to a good friend in the same situation. Are you using all-or-nothing language such as “all” or “never” or “none”? These are extremes, and life will usually be much more subtle. Did you make assumptions or jump to a conclusion? – quick conclusions will often be extreme.

Take-Home From Today

Take a deep breath, pause, and ask yourself: “What are the facts of the situation?”

Look at what happened with compassion and kindness for yourself. Check if you jumped to conclusions.