Mind Healing Counselling

Anger can emerge in a variety of situations, and the emotion can range from minor irritation (commonly referred to as "frustration") to all-consuming wrath. Boredom, too, is a moderate sort of fury that expresses unhappiness with whatever is currently going on.

Anger is a natural part of life, but it is not always a feeling we are comfortable with or have been taught to control effectively. While rage is frequently regarded as "bad", it is as essential to our health as a fever. A fever is necessary since it alerts us to the fact that something is amiss and is also the body's way of beginning to deal with the illness that is causing issues. Anger is the body's way of signalling that something is wrong and producing energy to help start fixing the issue.

Too many of us, though, simply act on our anger rather than seeing it as a symptom of a problem. This is analogous to taking aspirin to treat a fever but never investigating for the underlying infection. When the aspirin wears off, the fever returns, frequently worse than before, because the infection has progressed unchecked.

The same holds true for anger. When anger is avoided or simply acted upon, the underlying issue is not addressed, and the anger frequently recurs at inconvenient times with increased intensity.

Anger is a secondary emotion

Typically, we begin with a core feeling such as fear, loss, or sadness. We are uneasy because these emotions produce feelings of vulnerability and loss of control. One approach to dealing with these sensations is to subconsciously shift into rage.

Unlike fear and sadness, anger gives us a burst of energy and makes us feel powerful and in control, as opposed to vulnerable and helpless. We've all seen it happen. Consider a hungry baby. The infant's first cry is one of distress since the new-born truly needs to eat but lacks the ability to do so unless someone assists. If this demand is not met, the infant's cry changes from one of distress to one of anger. When the feelings of hunger, vulnerability, and powerlessness become too stressful for the youngster, he or she becomes furious in order to detach himself or herself from these feelings and communicate that there is a problem. The rage will persist until the underlying causes of hunger and vulnerability are addressed.

When it comes to new-borns, it is easy to recognise the function of anger, but we sometimes struggle to identify its function in our own lives. When I am angry at my partner, it's far simpler to go with my feelings and say things like, "You always sit there watching TV and avoid doing any of the housework," than it is to figure out what's causing the anger and address the underlying issue. It's also simpler for parents to rant about how irresponsible their adolescent when they arrive home after curfew than to admit how terrified they were because of their tardiness.

How to work with anger

Instead of "taking the aspirin" of stuffing or just acting on your anger, try decoding it the next time you feel it, whether moderate or overwhelming. Put your desire to act on your anger on hold. No matter how intense your feeling of anger is, acting on it without addressing why it is present may feel wonderful for a moment or two, but it frequently leads to us acting in ways we later regret and rarely helps to address the underlying issue fuelling the anger.

1.     Take a time out.

Stop whatever you're doing and try to identify the core feeling that's causing the anger. It is critical to STOP and deliberate about this because it is often difficult to detect anything other than anger at first.

2.     Check what’s underneath your anger.

"If anger was like the congealed fat on top of the roast in my refrigerator, and I could skim it off, what would be underneath?" This allows you to begin exploring the thoughts that are generating your rage. Because the shift from the fundamental feelings of fear, sadness, or loss occurs quickly, identifying what lies behind the anger requires focused thought.

3.     Think about how you can address what’s underneath.

Once you've identified the fundamental emotion at work, ask yourself, "What would help me address this emotion effectively?" If I am furious with my partner because they are sitting on the couch while I clean, the underlying emotion could be fear...I'm afraid the connection will always be off-kilter in this way...I'm afraid my partner does not value me and regards me as a servant...I'm afraid my urge for downtime will go unsatisfied. Identifying the fear allows me to decide how to approach this with my partner rather than simply complaining about not having help cleaning.

4.     Give yourself space to calm down.

Anger causes the body to generate chemicals that prepare you to leave, fight, or freeze in order to avoid being wounded. These chemicals take some time to dissipate, and you can't think clearly until they do. By purposefully taking time to relax, you allow your brain to shift from innate "protective" mode to problem-solving mode.

5.     Work the problem.

Anger alerts you to the existence of an issue. Taking the time to solve the problem reduces the need for anger, much as taking an antibiotic kills an ear infection and eliminates the need for a fever. It is easy to avoid dealing with concerns, but unless the underlying issues are addressed, you will continue to experience anger as a warning sign that there is a problem that needs to be addressed.

Anger is an important emotion because it alerts you to difficulties in your life so that you can effectively solve them and create the life you want.