Mind Healing Counselling

These "harmless" remarks can sometimes take the shape of a question. (Did you ever try meditating?) They may offer a "solution" in the form of a personal narrative. (Mary used to have panic attacks, but they stopped when she started exercising again.) They stem from a misperception about mental health issues most of the time. Even though these "harmless" remarks are made in good faith, they can often undermine the efforts of someone suffering from anxiety.

When someone with anxiety confides in you, they may not be asking for your "solution," "advice," thoughts, DIY anxiety healing guide, or anything else - they just want someone to listen and be there.

It's crucial to keep in mind that what one person considers "harmless" may be harmful to another. Regardless of what others think, your feelings are real, and you deserve support.

Here's what some of our clients have told us:

1. "Others have it far worse than you."

"'In compared to others, you're fortunate. 'Things could be a lot worse.' This was said by an old 'friend' to whom I was confessing my depression following my father's death a few months ago... I had every right to be upset. It's important to remember that we all have the right to feel the way we do."

"‘Others have it worse than you,’ says the narrator. It doesn’t imply I’m not struggling because I can do certain things and operate a little better than others with anxiety.”

2. “Medication should not be relied upon.”

“‘Medication should not be relied upon. I have anxiety, and I know how to manage it. ‘I’m not on any medications.’

“‘You need to be strong, so you don’t keep taking those pills.”

3. “You’re making a mountain out of a molehill.”

“‘You’re making a mountain out of a molehill,’ says the narrator. People used to say this to me all the time, especially when I reported bullying at school.”

4. “Have you spent enough time praying?”

“‘God will make it better,’ says the narrator. ‘All you have to do now is pray...’ I’m sure I have a hundred more, but these are the ones I hear the most when I’m depressed.”

“I was frequently admonished that I lacked faith as if my nervousness was my fault and a punishment. It left a sour taste in my mouth when it came to religion, and it didn’t help with my anxieties. They may have felt they were being helpful, but they were not.”

“‘If you give it to God, you won’t have to worry about it.’”

5. “Everyone experiences stress from time to time.”

“‘Everyone feels like way.’ It may appear harmless enough, but if I’m telling you how I’m feeling, the last thing I want is for you to try to shift the focus to ‘everyone’ else. Because I was hoping you could talk about me, I’ve opened up to you. Making it about everyone else doesn’t help and makes me feel like I’m not worth anything.”

“‘I’m sorry you’re in such a bad mood. ‘I’m also stressed.’ I’m not under any duress. I’m nervous and apprehensive about everything and nothing. It’s not a case of stress.”

“‘Oh, I’m anxious all the time,’ people say, but then they talk about something that made them nervous for a little time.”

“‘You aren’t alone in having bad days.’"

6. "Just take a deep breath and relax."

"'Calm down,' says the narrator. This is one of the most negative things you can say to an anxious person. We don't want to wake up stressed, worried, and exhausted from everything going on around us and within us."

7. “Stop freaking out.”

"'Stop panicking out,' I said. It's not a major issue.' "It doesn't matter if it's a huge deal or not. Anxiety doesn't care."

8. “Again?”

"When someone asks 'again?' when I say I'm anxious or feeling strange or express my terror or anything like that... Yes, it's occurring 'once more.' It comes from time to time, and I can have breaks, but it never goes away, and I know they aren't trying to be cruel, but it's difficult for me to have anxiety attacks and feel uncomfortable every day."

9. "It's time for you to adjust your thinking."

"'Can you just stop thinking that way?' someone close to me said. It's not difficult to shift your perspective.' That cut me off from the rest of the world. I wish I could just not think that way every waking morning and every sleepless night when my worry gets the best of me. What if I could feel 'normal' for a day or even a minute? They had the greatest of intentions, but they didn't realize the burden and difficulty my anxiety has placed on me and my daily life."

10. "You have no idea what stress is."

"'You are not allowed to be stressed.' Keeping a family's roof over their heads is a source of stress."

11. "All right, then, go get some help."

"'Well, then, go get some help!' says my father whenever I'm having trouble. Unfortunately, I can't tell my family how I'm feeling, making things difficult at times. Especially if I'm in the middle of an attack and they're simply teasing me. They aren't awful people; they simply don't comprehend mental illness."

12. "You just need to do some work."

"Before instructing me outdoors to tidy the garden,' he said, 'You need some 'work therapy.' I felt as if I had been discarded and mocked. I got discharged from the hospital on this day. Heartless. It still makes me want to injure myself 17 years later gravely."

13. “You’re just looking for reasons to be upset.”

"'I believe you are simply looking for reasons to be angry.' When my father said that, I told my parents that I felt pushed away."

14. “Smile.”

“If you smile, it’ll help”.

15. “You’re a hypochondriac.”

"'You're a hypochondriac,' she says. It makes me feel like I'm sicker than I actually am. It irritates and enrages me because it's practically ignoring me and ordering me to shut up."

16. “You’re overreacting.”

"I'm frequently informed that I overreact to almost everything. To de-stress, relax and unwind. Mind you, in a tone that smacks of arrogance."

17. "It's time for you to grow up."

"'Get over it/yourself,' says the narrator. I turned off the computer. I withdraw from social situations. I make it, so I'm not just a nuisance to others. "I vanish completely."

18. "You don't seem to be someone who suffers from anxiety."

"'You don't appear to have anxiety,' because I'm not walking around breathing into a paper bag all the time?" It made me feel incompetent."

19. "A minute ago, you were OK."

"'A minute ago, you were fine. There's no reason for you to be upset.' This is big for me because even the little things can trigger a panic attack. I'd stop them if I could, but I don't have control over them, and saying things like that only makes things worse."

20. "Just take a deep breath."

'Just take a deep breath.' Thanks. I had no idea humans were capable of such feats. However, it is still ineffective in resolving my problem. I understand the motivation, but it's not helping."

"'Just take a deep breath. You'll be alright.' I can't breathe, and I'm not fine because there's an elephant on my chest and fire in my veins."